EXT. BUSHES OUTSIDE OF BUILDING, EARLY MORNING
The camera pans to GEORGE, lying sprawled in a ditch. He snores loudly. GEORGE is a bee, sort of—he walks on human legs, but he wears the stripes and antennae of a bee. He lives like a bee, he thinks of himself as a bee. All things considered, he’s a bee.
At the chirp of a bird, GEORGE opens both eyes. One of his antennae is bent from sleep. He groans.
GEORGE
Well, shit.
He sits up, attempting to smooth out his antenna. As he lets go, it flops over again.
GEORGE
(to himself)
Time to get dressed, I guess.
From the bushes, GEORGE procures a brown leather duffle bag. He opens it to reveal various black-and-yellow striped shirts—ten in total.
GEORGE (CONT.)
What to wear, what to wear?
He deliberates silently. Eventually, GEORGE settles on a black-and-yellow combo—the fourth one. He searches through the bag again and pulls out a small perfume bottle labeled “HUMAN-7.” He spritzes the air several times and spins around, dousing himself in the scent.
GEORGE, ASIDE.
GEORGE
HUMAN-7 is my favorite scent. I find it to be the most authentic human smell—a mix of Dove soap and sweat. Besides, I’ve really liked the number 7 ever since I read in the New York Times that it was important to many human cultures. Hm, does that make me sound cool? Wait, don’t put this last part in!
EXT. QUADRANGLE —DAY.
George kneels by a potted plant. He’s dressed in his chosen striped outfit. A toolbox sits by his feet. As he touches tools to plant, GEORGE hums the Beetlejuice theme under his breath.
A PROFESSOR walks by.
PROFESSOR
Excuse me, sir.
GEORGE looks up.
PROFESSOR (CONT.)
You seem a little young to work on campus. How old are you, exactly?
GEORGE
A few days old.
PROFESSOR
How is that even possible?
GEORGE
(deadpan)
I was born a few days ago.
The PROFESSOR sighs.
GEORGE
It’s a work-study thing. A bee’s gotta work. It’s our nature.
GEORGE turns back towards the flowers. Focusing on a crooked one, he grabs a wrench and gets to work.
EXT. QUADRANGLE PATHWAYS — DAY
GEORGE walks quickly along a paved pathway.
Two STUDENTS approach.
STUDENT 1
Hey, Barry!
GEORGE
Who, me?
STUDENT 2
Yeah, you! Why don’t you do everyone a favor and buzz off.
STUDENT 1
(menacingly)
Yeah! Fly out of here before it’s too late.
Both STUDENTS flip GEORGE the bird.
STUDENT 2
Wait, what do you mean fly? Bees can’t fly. Have you ever seen the bee movie?
GEORGE, ASIDE
GEORGE
That’s a pretty common misconception. Most bees can fly, actually. Just not me. But last time I tried to explain that to a human, I got called a dumb little fumble-bee, so I try to keep that on the down-low.
INTERVIEWER
Would you say this kind of an encounter on campus is typical for you?
GEORGE laughs softly.
GEORGE
I guess you could say that I’m not exactly the, uh, queen bee of campus.
FLASHBACK ONE
EXT. MALLINCKRODT CENTER BULLETIN BOARD — DAY
GEORGE walks quickly. He seems exhausted: His antenna droops more than even, and his wings barely flutter behind him with each step.
From the corner of his eye, he sees the bulletin board. He slows, coming to a stop before it.
GEORGE
Kittens, free lunch…Gosh, what’s there for a bee to do around here.
He keeps reading.
GEORGE
Oh, a Judo club! Maybe I could meet some people there.
GEORGE sighs.
GEORGE (CONT.)
No, I can’t. Too much risk of accidental stinging in a fight club.
His gaze returns to the board. He reads for a moment, then inhales sharply.
GEORGE
A Bee-keeping club?
His eyes fill with tears. He blinks them away.
GEORGE
(choked)
You have got to be kidding me.
GEORGE walks quickly away from the bulletin. He opens his toolbox quickly, flinging the cover off–it makes a loud clang—before pulling out a bottle of honey. He guzzles it down quickly.
GEORGE, ASIDE
GEORGE
What? The honey helps.
FLASHBACK TWO
GEORGE stands next to several yellow trash cans. His head is buried in the first can of the row. He appears to be looking for something.
He raises his head, turning to look at the camera. His eyes are bloodshot.
GEORGE
(frantically)
THEY TOOK MY HONEY! WHERE IS MY HONEY!
GEORGE, ASIDE
GEORGE
For a while, I really was trying to turn things around, though. I really wanted to bee like a human.
INT. DANFORTH UNIVERSITY CENTER — NIGHT
GEORGE sits alone, silent, at a table. He appears to be reading a complicated textbook—only, the camera pans to reveal he is actually reading a children’s book.
GEORGE, ASIDE
GEORGE
I thought that if I looked human-smart, then people would try to talk to me. I tried to do the whole book and black coffee thing, but I couldn’t stomach the coffee. How do humans drink something so bitter! Where’s the honey! So yeah, just the book.
DANFORTH UNIVERSITY CENTER, CONT.
LILA, another humanoid bee appears in the frame. Like GEORGE, she has human legs and is adorned with stripes and antennae. Unlike GEORGE, her antennae are gold, and she is extremely unkempt—her hair is unbrushed, and she smells like old mustard. To a bee like GEORGE, she looks like a typical manic pixie bee girl.
LILA walks slowly towards the table.
GEORGE
Shit.
GEORGE, ASIDE.
GEORGE
I knew she was trouble from the moment she approached: She was buzzing to herself without a care in the world, she reeked of something God-awful, like wet socks, and —holy, don’t get me started on her antennae. What kind of a sensible bee would dye their antennae gold? Who does she think she is? Pablo Bee-caso?
DANFORTH UNIVERSITY CENTER, CONT
LILA slams one hand on the table. A slapping sound echoes loudly, but GEORGE does not look up. She clears her throat loudly.
LILA
Excuse me.
GEORGE
Yes?
LILA
I just thought I’d say hi.
GEORGE
(unamused)
Hello.
LILA
I just wanted to—
LILA notices GEORGE’s book, discarded on the table. She laughs.
LILA
Hey, nice reading.
GEORGE jumps out of his seat.
GEORGE
Bee quiet! Someone could hear you.
He pauses, looking around anxiously.
LILA
(deadpan)
You can’t seriously be afraid that someone will find out you’re illiterate. You’re literally a bee. What do you think you’re supposed to read? E-Bee Cummings?
GEORGE rolls his eyes. His wings flutter anxiously, and he takes his seat again.
GEORGE
Whatever. Look, what do you want?
LILA
(somewhat shyly)
I see you around a lot, figured it was time we finally meet. You sleep in the ditch by Hillman, right?
GEORGE
(alarmed)
You watch me sleep?
LILA
Relax, no need to be so jumpy. It’s hard to ignore the only other bee on campus, especially when they’re sleeping in a ditch. Dude, that cannot be comfortable!
GEORGE
I don’t know what you mean. Every night I curl up, imagine I’m lying in thick wax shipped straight from Beyonce’s hive. Safe to say I rest easy.
LILA
Really?
GEORGE
No.
They laugh.
LILA
See, you laughed! Admit it, I’m growing on you.
GEORGE
Sure. Like an aggressive mold grows in a long abandoned basement.
LILA takes the chair besides GEORGE. The two share a smile.
LILA, ASIDE.
LILA
Me and George? I knew we were gonna work. Think of it like this: You? You’re boring. But me? I’m wonderful. And George? He’s the goat. So we’re meant to be. Like it or not, these words are the truth.
She pauses.
LILA
Well, he’s a bee. You get the point.
EXT. GARDEN — DAY
LILA and GEORGE crouch within the bushes of a garden. Both are armed with nets in their hands and smiles on their faces. As GEORGE giggles, LILA attempts to quiet him.
GEORGE
(between giggles)
Did you see the look on her face when we netted her! I’ve never seen anything funnier.
LILA
Shhh, shhh, somebod-bee’s else is coming!
GEORGE sobers. As the STRANGER approaches, the two adjust their positions, ready to pounce. The STRANGER is a man on the phone. He walks confidently.
LILA
(under her breath)
3…..2….1….
She leans forward.
LILA (CONT.
(shouting)
GO!
GEORGE, ASIDE
GEORGE
Lila and I? Yeah, we get up to some hijinks together.
EXT. LAWN — DAY
GEORGE and LILA huddle tightly around a spoon full of special honey. Using a lighter, they smoke the honey together.
LILA
Feeling buzzed yet?
GEORGE
As a bee.
They laugh.
EXT. TREE — DAY
LILA and GEORGE sit atop a tree, largely obscured by leaves. Two STUDENTS sit below them.
STUDENT 3 begins to sniff the air.
STUDENT 3
Hey, what’s that scent?
STUDENT 4
Oh god, it smells like something’s burning?
Above the STUDENTS, GEORGE and LILA are smoking more honey. The two shake with silent laughter.
STUDENT 4 looks up.
STUDENT 4
Hey, what’s that?
The BEEs jump from their hiding position, making faces.
GEORGE AND LILA
(menacingly)
AHHHHHHH
The BEEs fall into a fit of laughter.
EXT. LAWN — DAY
GEORGE and LILA stand on a lawn. LILA holds a sign that reads “FREE HUNNEE.”
GEORGE
(yelling)
Get some honey for your honey! It’s free!
EXT. QUADRANGLE — DAY
LILA and GEORGE approach a COUPLE from behind. The COUPLE talks meaninglessly.
GEORGE gives LILA a thumbs up. The two BEEs break into a run.
GEORGE LILA
FOR HONEYYYYYYYY GET STUNG, LOSER
They shove the couple apart and continue to run, fighting off laughter.
EXT. STREET — NIGHT
GEORGE and LILA walk side by side. Their wings touch occasionally.
GEORGE
Thanks, Lila.
LILA
For what?
GEORGE
This has been great. You are truly one true bee.
LILA turns to face GEORGE
LILA
Don’t thank me. We were meant to bee.
FADE TO BLACK
Creative Direction Curran Neenan, Grace Demba, Sophia Musante
Words Sophia Musante
Photographs Curran Neenan, Kate Kunitz
Stylists Seo-Eun Kim
Featuring Lila Steinbach, George Kingsland
Armour Magazine Season 29 — F/S 2023
