Girl Next Door

It’s been 6 months and 9 days since I’ve received the embrace of an erected figure at my doorstep
Dried with dust, my mailbox fantasizes for an invite
Weak on my knees, Please send me something!
My hands restrain tears but still sob from cuffed wet dreams
Abstinence seduces my hallucinations into a perverted mail-gaze 
I cannot decipher between the fallacies and phallicies of my nightmares
Who torment me to moan in the peak of their subliminal arousal
Perhaps I should seek towards God’s gift instead
To pray for a donation into my hole-y trinity
From his holy water and his graceful hand

Forgive me, Daddy
I’m almost there! I’m almost at number 7
Gluttonous for a present to turn off my abstinence 
Pridefully petitioning for a pleasure I have yet to receive
Slothed on my doorstep for a surprise
Wrathing over a vacant inbox
Greed manifests a mail truck martyr 
Envious of those whom you ejaculate your male men towards
Lustful for a delivery to sign off my libido

My prayers manifest into three dicks, shafted up on my doorstep
Some genitalmen stroking the wholesome smell of autumn’s morning wood 

There, you dropped in front of me 
I mean
Physical is far better than junk mail


We’re the type to jack in the box
Do you like foreign mail?
Unlike European parcel, we allow you to undress our hooded envelopes
We’ve been blown from the double twisters of Kansas and we’ve soaked in Niagara’s falls.
Our service brands of expertise, pay no attention to your Fed-up Ex. 
I’d ship us anywhere. Our packaging pursuits secrete us globally.
Big Ben’s ticker has stamina (163 years)
France’s eye-full tower bestows an extreme erection
Inhaling Germany’s Cologne coaxes olfactory orgasms 
Hero’s Square rescues your Hungary freight of self-restraint 
Our gladiators desire to Rome through your Colosseum 
But when in Spain, we do have an urge to splurge like a Granada…

I get a rise out of thinking of you amongst Europeans, I already feel like You’re-up-in-me-and that’s what I’ve come to deliver
We know you weren’t expecting us, but you inserted an order 
And seeing us cum by
Dripping in blue, ballsy in contrasts for temperature play
Not your average postman, but we do a lot of carrying
Grasp our firm packages
Read our labels: CAUTION: NUTS
Don’t forget the tip, money excluded
We don’t mean to solicit, but this invitation is illicit
Seize the contraband and unravel our amorous packages

Creative Direction Sophia Palitti, Dylan Stein 
Photographs Adrian Fuller, Curran Neenan 
Stylists Sophia Palitti
Featuring Alexis Hyde, Chris Yang, Alex Herzig, Matthew Schmal

Armour Magazine Season 29 — F/S 2023

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Super Senior 🤩 | 5'6" 📏 | Working Out 🏋

Kyle might be short, but he's got a big personality. His Brothers from Alpha Delt call him peacock because of both his arrogance and style. Don't be fooled by the fratty attitude - Kyle's got a soft side. Not in a sweet way, though, just in a deeply insecure way. He's looking for someone to heat thing up in his bedroom this Valentine's.

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Cancer ♋️  | Empath 💕 | Animal Lover 🐾

Bella's the goth girlfriend of your dreams. Underneath the eyeliner, she's got a heart of gold, and is incredibly sweet. She believes relationships should be 50/50, and by that, she means she wants someone who spends 50% of their day with her and the other 50% wishing they were with her.
She's most compatible with Fire signs, and can't wait to find her next flame.

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Academic Weapon 💪 | ESTJ 🧠 | Vaccinated 💉

Eleanor is a Type-A business girly. Her Google Calendar is full and her LinkedIn is popping. She has extremely high standards for both herself and others, and is always striving to be the best. This girlboss has cleared her schedule this Valentines, and can't wait to meet her match.

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420 Friendly 🍃 | Lo Fi Beats 🎵 | Netflix and Chill 🍿

Aj (short for Anthony James, but please don't call him that) is one cool cat. This former pre-med-turned stoner now spends his days getting blitzed, playing Xbox, and carrying around his skateboard (which he never actually rides). Although his intense anxiety made him switch majors, he never switches up his self-medication regime, involving a quarter a week. In the spirit of the holiday, he's taking a break from lighting up to look for someone to light up his life.

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Who creates the perfect match?

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